Goldfish: 1a. n., a small, orange-colored fish that is able to survive in a bowl for approximately 2 weeks, regardless of care or conditions. Ex., “Mom? I really, really, really, really want a goldfish!” Ex.,”Mom? Why is our goldfish doing the backfloat?”
1b. n., little orange-colored cracker shaped like a fish that is sold in a variety of flavors. Ex., “Who ate the entire package of Goldfish after school?” Ex., “Stop throwing those Goldfish at your sister!”
2. adj., of or pertaining to goldfish. Ex., “Kids! When are you going to clean that goldfish bowl?”
3. v., to eat everything in sight until it is all gone without being hungry because it tastes so good. Ex., “I can’t believe I goldfished on all that pizza.” [Etm., from the vernacular of my husband S]
— Adapted from Joan’s Dictionary for Decoding Terms Around My House
No matter how many times I try to eat a single chocolate chip cookie, I fail. Ditto for pretty much all other chocolate desserts, cheese, chips and salsa — the list goes on and on.
Just recently we ordered Gino’s East pizza — my husband’s favorite. Maybe it was because it tasted even better than usual, or maybe because the whole family was hanging out together watching a movie while it was raining outside. Whatever the reason, both my husband and I ate way too much pizza.
“Why do I do that?” S groaned, as he ate the last piece. “I’m not even hungry, but it tastes so good, I can’t stop eating. I’m like a goldfish that can’t figure out that a kid just dumped in the whole can of fish food — I’ll keep eating until I literally explode. Why do I goldfish every time on this pizza?”
Goldfishing. It’s the perfect description, really. After all, who amongst us hasn’t been able to stop shoveling in Oreos even though we tell ourselves to quit, even though our stomachs start rebelling?
Stop looking at me like that. Let he who has never goldfished cast the first orange cracker.