What I want for Mother’s Day

purple tulipsLast year via this checklist, I tried to provide gentle guidance for a happy Mother’s Day for any mom (cough, me, cough). But over the past few weeks, when my husband S asked me what I wanted for this Sunday, I had no clue. When he sent the kids in, one by one, to ask me the same question, I still had nothing.

This indecision baffles my husband as much as it worries him. He wants to give me a nice day, no doubt about it. But he also likes to set the bar high on Mother’s Day, because he knows that right around the corner is Father’s Day and his R.O.I. (return on investment).

Between you and me, I do have a list of things I want, but the items on it are a little tricky to wrap:

1. Bug-killer vision. I’d like to be able to kill bugs (gnats, mosquitoes, spiders, and those big, hairy-scary, ugly ones) with my mind. So, that spider way up on the ceiling above my daughter’s bed that’s messing with her ability to fall asleep? One glance and he’s vaporized. Or, if you prefer, one glance and he’s humanely captured and gently released into a quaint barnyard with lots of places to spin webs for the rest of his natural life. Whatever works to get him out of my kid’s room.

2. A self-cleaning house. Similar to a self-cleaning oven, I’d like to hit a button and walk away, knowing that the entire house was cleaning itself to the point of shining while I’m out. When I’d return, the bathrooms would be spotless, the kitchen gleaming, the trash taken out, and the clutter dispatched. And a couple of times a year, I’d like it also to wash the windows. Sure, technically, you can pass this chore down to your teens and tweens, but a self-cleaning house would include a bicker-free, sigh-free, rolling-the-eyes-free mode. Don’t you think the first person who actually figures out how to do this will be a multi-multi-billionaire?

3. The Powerball jackpot. Speaking of loads of money, I’d like to win one of the enormous lottery payoffs. Now I’ve read somewhere that winning that kind of money changes you, causes more grief than you’d ever imagine, and isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. I think they only tell you that to make you feel better about not winning it, so I’d like a shot at one of those crazy huge jackpots to see if it’s true. Purely for research’s sake.

4. A real-life Laundry Fairy on call 24/7. Enough said.

5. Ditto for a Cooking Fairy. I enjoy making dinner — sometimes. But increasingly, I’m finding that our menu consists of the same 4 items in rotation, and “Whatever You Can Find” shows up far too frequently. And if the Cooking Fairy could also shop for groceries so we could prepare any meal at any time? Brilliant.

6. Instant subconscious messaging. Forget texting. I’d like to be able to send certain instant messages into my kids’ minds at just the right moment, like:

    • “Does that seem like a good idea?”
    • “Are you sure you want to do that?”
    • “Have you thought about that all the way through?”
    • “You might want to knock that off right now.”
    • “Did you remember to bring everything?
    • “Is that going to leave a permanent mark?””
    • “What would your Grandmother say about that?”
    • “Maybe you should call Mom.”

I’m sure these thoughts tickle my kids’ consciences, but oh, for the ability to ensure that each one stops and listens to that little voice!

7. Guaranteed happiness and success for my kids. This is what I want more than anything else. I’d like to know that my children are going to grow up, find their calling and throw themselves into it headlong. That they’ll be successful and independent and healthy and wise beyond their years. That they’ll find their true loves and grow old with them. That they will be protected from harm and vice. And at the same time, I’d like to see them grow into gracious, empathetic, fair-minded, patient adults.

Even though I’d like to keep them in this Truman Show bubble, I know that I can’t shelter them from everything. I realize that sometimes we grow as people only through great loss or trial or disappointment. Without adversity, my kids may never learn perseverance. Without hardships, their characters may not be tempered into the independent-minded and self-reliant souls that I want them to become.

But since this is my wish list, I’d like my kids to find happiness without experiencing too much heartbreak. That’s all I really want.

I’m just not sure how to put a bow on that.

Happy Mother’s Day.

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About thethingaboutjoan

Mom of three who knits a little, bakes a lot, crafts a bit and blogs about it all.
This entry was posted in Family, Mothering and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

35 Responses to What I want for Mother’s Day

  1. KBT says:

    Can you send this wish list to my hubby?! Its perfect :).

  2. Hey, thanks! And even though I really do want all those things on that list, I just saw ANOTHER spider in the corner. Where’s that Bug-Killing Vision when you need it? 🙂 Have a wonderful and happy Mother’s Day!

  3. Lynne says:

    I, too, want to win the Powerball purely for research purposes…Happy Mother’s Day?!

  4. Hope you don’t mind but, I’m stealing this wish-list!

  5. Cul de Sac says:

    Man, i didn’t know i had that list before reading it! But for the bugs one (i don’t care and are not affriad of them (that doesn’t apply to croakroach though) i want everything on your list!!!! And i agree as much as i want my kids growing up to be as happy and healthy and confident, i want them to experience real life with its sorrows, challenges and disapointments, no one can really grow without them! I just wish to be at their side when it will happen…

    • The bugs — they creep me AND my daughter out. And cockroaches are the King of the Creepy!

      That’s exactly it — I know I’m asking the impossible. I can’t help but want my kids to learn the lessons and yet somehow get shielded a little bit from the full-on onslaught of heartbreak or tragedy. And man, I hope I know what to say and how to comfort them when it does come.

      Happy Mother’s Day to you, Josee!

  6. mtetar says:

    Nice Checklist, and would like God’s Grace and Mercy of strength, good health, and peace. Be Blessed, Mtetar

  7. Micha says:

    It’s 2013! You’d think by now most of this list would be doable! Geesh. Happy Mother’s Day, Joan!

  8. Love that! Yes, why DON’T we have self-cleaning houses by now?! Who’s been slacking off in the R&D department? 🙂 Maybe if I win one of those ginormous lottery jackpots, I’ll have the venture capital to make this come true. 🙂 Happy Mom’s Day to you, Micha! Hope you have a great day!

  9. ha!ha! 🙂 OK, this is the perfect list, I want it too! 🙂 you think if I print it, it will come true, nah! that only happens once a year “Christmas” right? just kidding Joan! I loved reading your list! like you I would love keeping my little one in a bubble; like the Truman Show one but I can’t so like you I only want for my son to experience life without too much heartbreak!!! I guess it’s a mommy “thing” wanting to protect them from everything! Wish you a happy mother’s day Joan! Hope you will have a great Sunday with your family! 🙂 Sending you hugs from here! 🙂

  10. Time With Thea says:

    Sorry to be so repetitive Joan, but I so enjoy and admire both your delightful sense of humour and you superb writing style. It is always a pleasure to read your posts for the chuckle and the enlightenment. I am sure your Mother’s Day will be very special. Thanks for the giggle.~Thea

    • Thea, you are always so kind and supportive about my writing; no wonder you’re a teacher! I love hearing it though.

      Hoping for a relaxing and joyful Mother’s Day for you!!

  11. go Mama O says:

    #6 is great! I give my kids “the look,” but it doesn’t do much!

    • I’ve got a “look” too, but I think they’ve figured out how to conveniently not see me.

      Do your kids ever play the game, “what would your superhero power be?” I think instant subconscious messaging would be my superpower. 🙂

  12. CTW says:

    Very nice piece, Joan!

  13. Great, great list!! I especially love the bug-killing vision! I don’t have any bug fears but I would really love this for the fire ants that seem to follow me everywhere I go outside…. gardening is something I love and enjoy, but I could do without the intensely painful fire ant bites (named fire ants because their bites feel like you’ve been burned by fire — and they are all over Texas!) So…if you are able to find away to have this superpower, let me know. 🙂 And in the meantime, have a very Happy Mother’s Day!!
    Kenley

    • Oh Kenley! I lived in Texas for a few years and I remember the fire ants! That was the first warning we got when we moved there — don’t mess with the anthills because they fight back.

      Believe me, if I figure out how to vaporize bugs at a glance, l’ll let you know first!

      Also my kids think it would be beyond cool to have this superpower. My youngest said it would be like having Cyclops (from the X-Men movies) as a mom. Excellent.

  14. Wow Joan!!! This post was amazing!! Love, love, love it! I’m sharing on my Facebook page!

  15. Oh ! My Gosh !! This is the epitome of all MOTHER’S DAY wishes …. Thank you for putting it to thought and the written word !! I love it !! Happy Mother’s Day !!

  16. What a great list, Joan! I’m going to share this one with my mommy friends.

  17. Roar Sweetly says:

    I received breakfast in bed, two handmade cards and a bunch of roses…but love the idea of killing roaches through the power of my mind.

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