I know the MacArthur Foundation’s “genius grants” were recently awarded for this year, but I would like to ask the nominating committee to consider adding just one more. I would really like to see a certain person honored for his/her achievement in saving my sanity through reducing my laundry load by inventing these:
Ladies and Gentlemen… the perfect pants.
These have been around a while (they are actually hand-me-downs from my older son to his younger brother), but every time C wears them, I wonder who had such tremendous vision to create them.
Here’s the recipe for perfect pants, in my opinion:
1. They feel like sweats on the inside. Check out that lining:
Soft as a t-shirt, they feel like he’s wearing sweats. No “crunchy” feeling of new jeans here.
2. They have an elastic waistband.
If your kiddos are like mine, they prefer that stretchy feeling around the waist. And if I’m being honest, I do too, but somehow all my clothes with a little “give” around the middle look a bit too frumpy to wear intentionally in public. Which brings me to my next point…
3. They pass the “nice-occasion” test. Look at them. They’re black pants which are still black even though they’ve been worn for years. They have belt loops, for crying out loud. They meet all my criteria to earn the title of “nice pants”:
- Are they school/Cub Scout uniform-worthy? Sure.
- Could he wear them in public without looking like his mother had no idea what he was wearing until it was too late to change? Yep.
- Could he get away with them for some unforeseen fancy-pants event which always seems to come up out of the blue and I never know what clothes the kids already own that would be appropriate? Absolutely.
4. They have lots of pockets — a must for boys. C refused to wear certain athletic shorts because they were, in his opinion, defective (aka, no pockets). This pair has a multitude of them without looking like the rumpled type.
And the best feature of these pants?
5. They transform into shorts. See that zipper hidden underneath the flap?
Unzip and presto, you have shorts. See?
No more arguing about it being too cold in the mornings to wear shorts, but too hot in the afternoons to wear jeans. These pants are so phenomenal that I’m tempted to cut the bottoms off every other pair in this house and sew zippers around the legs. I’ve tried to buy more of these “transformers,” but I can’t seem to find them anywhere.
True genius, my friends. I only wish I knew who to thank.
If you had a chance to give someone else a genius grant, who would it be? The maker of the minivan? The inventor of the crock pot? The person who created the coffee pot with a timer so you could have coffee at the ready first thing in the morning? Drop me a comment with your nominations….